Much to my chagrin, there is a kick-me sign on the back of my car.
Well, there’s not really a physical sign, but more of a kick-me aura.
Last week… um, Tuesday I believe… wait it was a Tuesday, how cruel,
I was driving home, because I don’t like to be in VA after the sun goes
down (call me superstitious.) Any rate, I am on 123 right before the GW
Parkway. A BMW stops in front of me; I stop 5 feet behind him…. and
then…. well, have you ever seen Toonces the Driving Cat on Saturday
Night Live? You will remember how right after one of the characters
says, “They say he can drive a car,” Toonces invariably drives off a
cliff and everyone in the car make silly “I’m falling off a cliff ‘cuz I
went driving with a cat” faces? The lady in the Jetta behind me made
one of those faces.
BMW: The piece of plastic trim around the bumper was cracked.
Ian (Front): Front of car has a little piece of molding loose.
Ian (Back): Glass everyone where, but not from my taillights. VW emblem
pushed into back of trunk, causing a dent.
Jetta: Missing headlights and grill. Hissing noise coming from the
radiator. Basically, really f’ed up.
Moral of story:
Never rear-end a ten year old Volvo.
This got me thinking about five mile an hour bumpers. What the hell are
they? Why don’t we have something more useful like 100 mph bumpers? In
fact, I want cow-catchers mounted front and rear and the right to use
them at any speed.
Apparently, people thought last week’s email was a bit bitter and
evil… I thought it was funny, oh well.
Just a warning, our boy Seth is returning to DC for the weekend and will
be making a big pre-St. Patrick’s day appearance at Toledo on
Thursday… I think he is staying with me for the rest of the weekend.