The law of ERP

Yes, it’s me. I’m in DC long enough to write a Tuesday Night.

I’ve been busy… honest. I was on Jury Duty. Let me tell you, there is no better place to people watch than DC’s Jury Pool. I had a judge who would always stress the word law whenever he spoke. “Your job is the matter of fact, and when it comes to the LAW, that’s my business.” And he would shout law like a deranged loony.
Things I have noticed about jury duty:

* Judges do not find out funny when a jury member stands up and scream in their best Rob Schneider a la Sly Stalone a la Judge Dredd voice, “I am the law!” This is probably because the judge is the LAW and not the jury.
* The Husher is a device used by judges to prevent the audience and jury from hearing bench conferences. The Husher is a white noise generator that sounds a lot like Channel 56 in Boston after 2 in the morning. I asked to change the channel, but since the judge’s job was the LAW and not entertainment, he did not.
* Pants are optional if you are a judge.

Which brings me to ERP. For those of you at the party, you saw my friend Ken bring his Evil Rum Punch. Ken was banned from making his ERP when a guest at one of his parties had a hallucinogenic experience. Needless to say two cups of ERP and I was done… not that that stopped me.

A big thank you to all who came to the party.

By the time we got to Woodstock (Ian as Josh)

So Ian’s out of town again, which puts me back in charge of this little

This weekend I ended up in, of all places, Woodstock, which resulted in
several observations.

1) Woodstock is not what it once was…or at least it’s not what I
understand it to have been. For starters, there should be no food

2) Kids these days (wow do I sound old) are really angry. Hence, Limp
Bizkit and Korn were huge, as was Rage Against the Machine…I just
don’t understand what a bunch of kids who paid $150 for a ticket,
andother couple hundred bones for a prime camping location, and then
drove up there in their SUV’s to pay $7 for a burger can be so angry

3) A lot of these kids have no problem walking around naked…but to
show their freedom like at the original…just becaust they thought it
might be cool.

4) When almost a quater million people are drunk, stoned, and burning
stuuff, it’s time to go home.

4a.) Unless you;re the Red Hot CHili Peppers, in which case you start to
play “Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire”

4b) If you;re the bass player for said Red Hot CHili Peppers, it’s OK to
do your entire set naked, because your bass covers most of the crucial

5) There probably shouldn’t be another one of these.

6) The guy that plays Mini-Me (some people laugh, others need an
explanation) is really, really, really little.

Atlanta by way of Richmond

Things you never want to hear from your airplane pilot… “Folks, we don’t have enough gas to circle for the next 40 minutes, like ground control at Dulles wants us to. So, we are going to land at Richmond and wait until we are cleared there.”

Why couldn’t we land at National, I thought to myself… ‘cuz that makes too much sense.

An insightful comment:

“No wonder why people worshipped a Jewish carpenter.” – Josh upon our 25th unsuccessful attempt at hanging a picture frame.

How were people’s weekends? I was in Atlanta, and the last few times I have been in Atlanta there have been disasters. One time a Cessna tried to land in the middle of the major highway. This time there were tornados. Simply, I shouldn’t travel.

Leave Tex and Barbie Alone

No real reason for the subject line…

At any rate, welcome to another installment of my insanity.

Since turn-out has been low lately… though credit to Fitz for thinking about coming out… I am going to fill this email with vaguely related info.

Josh has completely moved out of his old apartment with the help of many friends and late night packing runs. The interesting thing, I am told, about moving at 3 in the morning is that you always get the elevators when you need them.

With Josh’s help, I crashed the National Press Core Dinner on Saturday… saw some interesting people (gratuitous name dropping to follow):

* Collin Powell – who seems to be everywhere I go
* Val Kilmer – with dorky hair
* Ron Silver – who at one point was heard saying, “I’m sorry General Powell, I don’t speak yiddish that well.”
* Henry Kissenger – who plays a mean game of 3 man
* Rev. M.C. Hammer – Stop! Hammer time.
* Gov. William Weld – He’s taller than I thought
* Sec. of State Albright – She’s as short as I thought
* Barbara Walters – What hair.
* Sam Donaldson – who was ranting incessantly to some other reporter
* Wolf Blitzer – There wolf.
* Peter Jennings – who served Jeff a drink from behind the ABC bar.
* A radiologist named Zellis