Book ’em Danno (Ian as Josh)

No, this doesn’t have anything to do with Ian an my calls to the Vice
squad when there are Johns in our alley…it’s all about Hawaii.

Here’s the deal; Ian’s on his way, as we speak, to Oracle’s little
extravaganza in Hawaii, with stops in LA and San Francisco. I’m not the
least bit bitter about this, and you shouldn’t be either. Here’s why.

For starters, it’s been warmer here than there…and less rainy.
Secondly, I’ll have a parking space while he’s gone.
Thirdly, who wants to spend that much time on planes?
Fourthly (I know it’s not a word…humor me), he’ll miss the first ever
Tuesday night at Toledo Hula party.

OK, there is no Hula party, but come to Toledo anyway. I’ll buy drinks
for whoever does the best immitation of Jack Lord.

The law of ERP

Yes, it’s me. I’m in DC long enough to write a Tuesday Night.

I’ve been busy… honest. I was on Jury Duty. Let me tell you, there is no better place to people watch than DC’s Jury Pool. I had a judge who would always stress the word law whenever he spoke. “Your job is the matter of fact, and when it comes to the LAW, that’s my business.” And he would shout law like a deranged loony.
Things I have noticed about jury duty:

* Judges do not find out funny when a jury member stands up and scream in their best Rob Schneider a la Sly Stalone a la Judge Dredd voice, “I am the law!” This is probably because the judge is the LAW and not the jury.
* The Husher is a device used by judges to prevent the audience and jury from hearing bench conferences. The Husher is a white noise generator that sounds a lot like Channel 56 in Boston after 2 in the morning. I asked to change the channel, but since the judge’s job was the LAW and not entertainment, he did not.
* Pants are optional if you are a judge.

Which brings me to ERP. For those of you at the party, you saw my friend Ken bring his Evil Rum Punch. Ken was banned from making his ERP when a guest at one of his parties had a hallucinogenic experience. Needless to say two cups of ERP and I was done… not that that stopped me.

A big thank you to all who came to the party.

By the time we got to Woodstock (Ian as Josh)

So Ian’s out of town again, which puts me back in charge of this little
missive.

This weekend I ended up in, of all places, Woodstock, which resulted in
several observations.

1) Woodstock is not what it once was…or at least it’s not what I
understand it to have been. For starters, there should be no food
court.

2) Kids these days (wow do I sound old) are really angry. Hence, Limp
Bizkit and Korn were huge, as was Rage Against the Machine…I just
don’t understand what a bunch of kids who paid $150 for a ticket,
andother couple hundred bones for a prime camping location, and then
drove up there in their SUV’s to pay $7 for a burger can be so angry
about.

3) A lot of these kids have no problem walking around naked…but to
show their freedom like at the original…just becaust they thought it
might be cool.

4) When almost a quater million people are drunk, stoned, and burning
stuuff, it’s time to go home.

4a.) Unless you;re the Red Hot CHili Peppers, in which case you start to
play “Let Me Stand Next to Your Fire”

4b) If you;re the bass player for said Red Hot CHili Peppers, it’s OK to
do your entire set naked, because your bass covers most of the crucial
elements.

5) There probably shouldn’t be another one of these.

6) The guy that plays Mini-Me (some people laugh, others need an
explanation) is really, really, really little.

Atlanta by way of Richmond

Things you never want to hear from your airplane pilot… “Folks, we don’t have enough gas to circle for the next 40 minutes, like ground control at Dulles wants us to. So, we are going to land at Richmond and wait until we are cleared there.”

Why couldn’t we land at National, I thought to myself… ‘cuz that makes too much sense.

An insightful comment:

“No wonder why people worshipped a Jewish carpenter.” – Josh upon our 25th unsuccessful attempt at hanging a picture frame.

How were people’s weekends? I was in Atlanta, and the last few times I have been in Atlanta there have been disasters. One time a Cessna tried to land in the middle of the major highway. This time there were tornados. Simply, I shouldn’t travel.