Blowing off some steam: A Lesson for W

Ever played Grand Theft Auto 3? For those of you who haven’t, here’s the gist: you are a low-end punk working your way up the ranks of a crime organization by means of vehicular homicide, stashing bodies, and general murder and mayhem. I find GTA3 hilarious. It’s a great way to blow off some steam. It is just too ridiculous to be taken seriously.

But of course people do.

And then the fun police come and start breaking down doors and replacing all those cool toys with My Little Ponies and video games that Ned Flanders would approve of.

Check out this article for more on the fun. I especially like the Post’s comparison of GTA3 to Pac-man: “In today’s virtual mean streets, Pac-Man wouldn’t last a day. The yellow sphere with the slanted pie-hole that gobbled up pellets back in the ’80s probably would get carjacked and beaten to a yellow wad of pulp.”

What does this all have to do with the President? I’m glad you asked. The way I figure it, the W, even with his month long vacation, has not really relaxed in a while. It might be nerves over the fact that he is, in fact, President, and scares even him. It might be that Ashcroft has become insistent that Bush proves he’s Christian and not Muslim. Who knows?

But one thing I do know is that he needs to blow off steam. Having seen footage from the Gulf War, Daddy’s video game war, I think W has found his way to relax. He’ll get hisself a big ole war too. And it’s gonna be a great sequel, cuz’ the bad guy from Daddy’s war is still the bad guy. This time there’ll be a killer soundtrack, way cooler graphics, and none of that Declaration of War stuff that Congress keeps griping about. It’ll be so cool.

Tell ya what, I’ll offer the Pres any game he wants, in fact, I’ll buy him a whole gaming station, if he promises to respect the Constitution and get a Declaration of War for when he needs a rating boost and goes after Saddam Hussein.

I’m scaring me

I has always like the Talking Heads’ True Stories… the album
(http://store.artistdirect.com/store/artist/album/0,,172362,00.html). I
knew that there was a movie (http://us.imdb.com/Title?0092117) that the
music was based off of. A little strange… the band recorded an album
of songs that characters in the movie sang. I think there are some of
the most real and yet positive,uplifting lyrics on this album that I
have ever heard. Dream Operator and Radio Head are two great examples
of this.

At any rate, I now am watching the movie. (Side note, Netflix really is
a good service. Thanks to them I have caught up on some of the Mystery
Science Theater 3000 I haven’t seen… oh, yeah, and I got True Stories
from them.) I am about a third into the movie. It is a combination of
Bowling Alone, Leap of Faith, and a Ken Burn’s documentary all rolled
into one. And I like it. A lot. And that scares me.

Ever listened to David Byrne talk? He speaks

slowly

in strange off-beat

phrases.

An example: He is in his red convertible, looks at the camera and says,
“I want to saying something about the difference between American cities
and European cities…

… but I forgot it.

… I have it written down at home.”

I am really scaring myself here.

Maybe it is just the heat getting to me.

Scorched Monk’s Nuts and Tree Swine

Ah, Bermuda, the most remote habitable (by British standards) island in the world. It’s a coral cap on top of a very extinct volcano. They drive on the left-side of the road, use dollars as currency, by their gas is liters, measure distance in kilometers… a very confused place.

The Bermudian accent is an interesting nut to crack. They say their A’s like Bostonians, their O’s like Brits, and the rest is a big jumble. In fact, it is far too difficult a topic to bring up here. I suggest you check this out for a better explanation.

Sitting in the Hog Penny pub and one of the people at the table nearly ordered a Scorched Monk’s Nuts Coffee. This drink involves some horrid combination of liqueurs and a vague hint of coffee. More importantly the Scorched Monk’s Nuts is a very very popular drink among the parishioners of Cardinal Bernard Law.

This, of course, brings us to the discussion of the native Bermudian Tree Swine. The tree swine is the only native mammal on the island. Strange things, these tree swine. They look, from all accounts, to be very happy looking piggies. They, when in adulthood, act like completely normally piggies: very large, very lazy, very edible. But the strange aspect of these pigs is when they are a big younger. They have a propensity to climb trees and lay on the branch. It far cooler in the branches and the tree swine can laze happily there. Another amazing thing about the tree swine is the noise these youngsters make at night. It’s fairly high pitched noise, something between a yip, a squeak, and the call of a morning dove. The entire island rings of this surprisingly soothing noise.