Change on the season

It’s Spring. The cherry blossoms have blossomed. With blossoms come bees, birds, and tourist. Ah yes, ladies and gentlemen, the tourons are coming, the tourons are coming. And what can we expect from this new crop of gullible gawking goobers? Traffic, for a start. Apparently, the basic nationally-known traffic rules are some how different in Washington. Simple rules, like – green means go and red means stop. I think that we ought to institute “National Use Your Freakin’ Turn Signal Day” some time around Memorial Day.

What else can this year’s yokels provide? Much needed dollars for a our region? Naw, I doubt it. At best we’ll get some bumbling fool trying to trade in Confederate money for 5 for $10 t-shirts on the Mall.

We’ll also get the comic mislabeling of historical places. Everyone knows that thing with the big dome is the White House and that large stone obelisk is the Washington Memorial and that thing where Thomas Jefferson is standing is Monticello. (No joke, I was on a flight recently with high school students on their class trip to DC. And yes, they provided the content for this paragraph. Apparently, civics class in California (where the students were coming from) is optional.)

Stalked by Bullwinkle

Okay, this is terrifying. I mean come on… you are walking along minding your own business and the next thing you know a huge inflatable moose is following you down the street… a huge goofey smiled moose.

I could happen to you.

It happened to me on Saturday. It was a Cherry Blossom Festival Parade… what a day: gray and rainy… and not a cherry blossom in sight.

So, as Ken pointed out, the Department of Defense needs a huge order of eye glasses, Coke-bottle variety. Our captains hit boats. Our pilots hit planes. Next we’ll hear that our tank drivers are driving through Taco Bells… literally. Careful now, watch carefully as the tax-cut issue occupies our minds while we slide ever so gently into a minor land war in Asia. (And we have all seen the Princess Bride and know not to get in to a land war in Asia.)