Protective Layer of Blubber

Our Lady of Blessed Over-eating don’t fail me now…

Thanksgiving is here and gone. This year, it really snuck up on me. In fact, I am kinda confused how it became nearly December, and I did not realize it. Simply, either global warming has really messed things up or I need to get out more… or at least look at a calendar more often.

Ever wondered why there is this huge chunk o’ holidays in the late-November, mid-December timeframe? I figured it out. It is to help us grow a protective layer of blubber. That’s right. We all remember biology class from who-knows-when and learning about seals in the Arctic. They have protective layers of blubber to keep the warm. We too have protective layers of blubber… but we don’t like to talk about it. Call it an ugly-secret hold-over that we haven’t evolved out of. So think about it… November starts to get cold, in December winter really kicks in… and you NEED something to keep you warm. Solution: build a few gluttony-based holidays into the calendar and bingo! you’ve got your protective layer of blubber ready to go.

In other news, the word chad is getting way too much airtime. I wanted a better definition so I found this:
Main Entry: chad
Pronunciation: ‘chad
Function: noun
Etymology: origin unknown
Date: 1947
: small pieces of paper or cardboard produced in punching paper tape or data cards; also : a piece of chad
– chad·less /-l&s/ adjective
It appears (at least, to me) that chad comes from the old data processing days when punch cards were king. What does one do with all these unwed pregnant chads? For that matter, what does one do with the chads who gave their simple lives so that a vote for Nader could be counted?

Welcome to my underground lair

So I was sitting in a meeting in the basement of the Pentagon thinking, “Gee, this is kinda cool. I’m in the basement of the Pentagon.”

And then the meeting began.

And before I get two slides in, the barrage of questions begin, from a variety of older dumpy looking security people:
* In what way does your software integrate with ACF2 on the mainframe. Does it use SAF or SRF?
At this point, a thin trickle of sweat has begun to form over my brow.

* So, can you integrate ACF2 with NIS+ as the authentication agent?
At this point, my stomach is starting to churn.

You get the idea… they were asking nasty gruesome nitpicky questions…

and then…

… the whopper of all phrases was uttered. This is a direct quote. “If E*Trade’s system get hacked, the worst thing that happens is that a few grandmothers starve. If our systems get hacked, we die, WE ALL DIE.” The following was said with a straight face. At this point, I was ready to tunnel my way to freedom using nothing but my ballpoint pen and my bare hands.

I love my job!

Hi gang –

Well, winter is upon us. Turkey Day has arrived.

I hate traveling home for Turkey Day and so will be in DC. Dave at Toledo, has promised a Wild Turkey special on Wednesday for us lame-o’s that are sticking around. (So if you are in DC this weekend let me know.)

A really strange thing happened Saturday night. I reaffirmed the fact that Tom Tom Club is a horrid place to go… well, that’s not that strange; we all knew it. What was odd what the Bad Season’s reenactment that occurred there. No, it wasn’t that everyone’s ex’s showed up there. What was strange was seeing a few of my friends talking to women who had the same names as their ex’s. It just seemed a bit odd to me.

Flip-up Headlights

Flip-up headlights, like those on the Mazda Miata and Porsche 911, are cool. Ask Dianne, she lost $5 because of them.

Hi gang –

Yes, that’s right. Two weeks in a row. That’s right. Two weeks… I am here, in DC.

I don’t really want to talk about headlights, though.

I want to talk about socks. Moreover, I want to talk about the mystery of socks and the laundry room. We all know that socks have a way of disappearing when you do wash. Comedians joke about… most notably Woody Allen. But recently, I have been giving this some thought and it disturbs me.

I live alone. There are no other batches of laundry to loose my socks in, and yet, some how, I have singleton socks. How can this happen? Possibilities include:
* They simply disappear. Some how socks teleport into a better place… possibly the great lint ball in the sky. This is more of an X-Files type scenario.

* Someone is getting into my house and stealing single socks. Well, this is plausible, not probable. Who could it be? People with keys to my place… My neighbors, Viv, Josh, or Todd. Hmmm….. Viv, are Hugo and Caroline playing with my socks are they? This is why you shouldn’t distribute a bunch of your keys… people steal your socks.

* The socks haven’t vanished, but instead are in the next bag of laundry and some how got out of phase with their brethren. This is most likely what has happened… but the least fun answer.

Come play pin the tail on the President nobody wants at Toledo tomorrow.