Okay, compare these two situations and tell me what is wrong with this picture.
1) A woman offers a $10,000 reward for information about her father’s death. He was shot outside his suburban home; there were no witnesses.
2) There is a $100,000 reward for information about a man who tossed a woman’s poodle into traffic in San Jose after she hit his car.
$10,000 for a human life versus $100,000 for the life of a hairball with legs!
What on earth is wrong with us? We value our pets lives more than each other? This is disgusting! I mean, if I was picked up and thrown into traffic because the person I was driving with got into an accident, the only money that would be offered would be a reward to whomever threw me.
I am beginning to think that I am reincarnated and I have the soul of a very old bitter man with a walker, which he wields like a mace.
In other news: it’s cherry blossom time. Time once again that DC puts on a fresh coat of Spring, the city smells good, life is as it should be. Granted, the blossom’s are coming a bit early, but this is only a good thing for us residents; it means that touron’s won’t overrun our city asking questions like, “Where are the trees?” There is a down side to this years cherry blossoms, word is that the local beaver’s union is looking for Federal subsidies.
In other other news: Because St. John’s, Maryland, and Penn lost, my bracket is absolutely worthless. In fact, I imagine that most people’s picks are pretty shot.
Much to my chagrin, there is a kick-me sign on the back of my car.
Well, there’s not really a physical sign, but more of a kick-me aura.
Last week… um, Tuesday I believe… wait it was a Tuesday, how cruel,
I was driving home, because I don’t like to be in VA after the sun goes
down (call me superstitious.) Any rate, I am on 123 right before the GW
Parkway. A BMW stops in front of me; I stop 5 feet behind him…. and
then…. well, have you ever seen Toonces the Driving Cat on Saturday
Night Live? You will remember how right after one of the characters
says, “They say he can drive a car,” Toonces invariably drives off a
cliff and everyone in the car make silly “I’m falling off a cliff ‘cuz I
went driving with a cat” faces? The lady in the Jetta behind me made
one of those faces.
BMW: The piece of plastic trim around the bumper was cracked.
Ian (Front): Front of car has a little piece of molding loose.
Ian (Back): Glass everyone where, but not from my taillights. VW emblem
pushed into back of trunk, causing a dent.
Jetta: Missing headlights and grill. Hissing noise coming from the
radiator. Basically, really f’ed up.
Moral of story:
Never rear-end a ten year old Volvo.
This got me thinking about five mile an hour bumpers. What the hell are
they? Why don’t we have something more useful like 100 mph bumpers? In
fact, I want cow-catchers mounted front and rear and the right to use
them at any speed.
Apparently, people thought last week’s email was a bit bitter and
evil… I thought it was funny, oh well.
Just a warning, our boy Seth is returning to DC for the weekend and will
be making a big pre-St. Patrick’s day appearance at Toledo on
Thursday… I think he is staying with me for the rest of the weekend.
I am sick and tired of this bullshit. When has it become acceptible behavior to shoot someone at show and tell? When has it become an accepted hobby to grab children from in front of their houses and schools? Did I miss them memo that says, “Go ahead, drive 35 in the left lane with no one around you.” This crap just gets piled deeper and deeper.
Solution: the internet. Ain’t no jackasses driving Ford FuckingHugeMobiles. No six years olds packin’ heat… okay, there are but they only post pictures of their cats and guns. No sick fuckers trying to molest children… okay, that’s not true, but go with me here. Just sit at home, use kozmo.com to get movies and gummi bears, use peapod.com for groceries, use napster for tunes, and watch the electronic world go by.
Why am I so bitter sounding? ‘Cuz some mutha tried to run me off the Baltimore-Washington Parkway on Friday. So, I’m in the right lane, ’bout three miles south of the Beltway. A big blue pickup truck (old) decided it really needed be in the right lane. Now mind you, everyone is going 40, bumper to bumper, and no one is going anywhere that fast. Big blue assman cuts his wheel when his front tire is at the middle of my car; he clearly saw me. I had two choices: gun it, or slam on the brakes. I took the first choice, which was the right choice. His bumper clipped the back of my car. I pull over to check things out… he doesn’t! Quickly checking for damage, I find none, jump back into the car to chase this guy down. Remember, that things are bumper to bumper and no one is going anywhere… so chasing him was impossible. I call the State Police; they (over the phone) grin-fuck me. I get bitter.
In other news, the University of Pennsylvania Fighting Quakers have clinched their berth in the NCAAs.
In other other news, my esteemed roommate had a bit of time on his hands and found other Tuesday Night clubs. Granted their websites aren’t as slick as ours (www.tuesdaynight.org), but theirs are finished while ours is not. BTW, if you want something up on the site (a little bio or whatever) just let me know. Check out these others sites: